I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dear god my vagina.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
