i think my tv is drunk
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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