cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
