dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
