Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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