carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
