i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
