Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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