Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
