Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
