I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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