I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
