dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
