You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
