She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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