Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
