Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
