you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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