So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
