I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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