I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
