If i come over, it means nothing
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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