My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
