God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
