Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
