I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
