I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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