His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
