areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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