I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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