he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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