It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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