Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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