Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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