remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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