Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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