Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
