why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
