No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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