I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
