Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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