am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
