didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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