Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
