Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
