i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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