oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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