He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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