fuck your aforementioned shoe
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All the doctor said was why
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
