im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
