No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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