i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
