OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
