I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
