last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
