Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
